Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Parenting 101


When I became a dad 6 1/2 years ago, I had no idea my kids would provide such an endless source of comedic material.  There is not a day that goes by that I do not laugh out loud at something my kids say or do.  They have been such a source of laughter and joy in my life.

I think it was back in 2010 when I first caught myself saying something to my son and I remember thinking to myself, "I can't believe I just said that."  It was like one of the most ridiculous statements ever, but I had to say it because my son was doing it.  I also remember having things happen to me that only happened because I had kids.  So, I thought it would be fun to begin chronicling these types of things and call it "Parenting 101."  There are all sorts of parenting books out there with incredible advice and wisdom.  But, none of them explain what to do when your daughter says, "Mom, daddy is dead so he won't be needing dinner." (An actual quote from our 5-year-old.)  And, so I decided to try to spoof all of the parenting advice out there with some light hearted Parenting 101 tips.  

Out of anything I post on Facebook or Twitter, these actual quotes or events in our home typically generate the most responses.  So, I thought I would post my top 10 favorite Parenting 101 tips from the past few years.  Enjoy ... 

10. Don't get cocky changing diapers.  The minute you do, you get poop on your fingers.

 9. When raising young children, expect about three hits to the groin each day.  (I think I'm still recovering from that one.)

 8. Some days start with the words "Good morning, dad."  Others ... "Dad, there's poop on the floor!"

 7. You will find yourself saying things you've never said before like "Stop cleaning the windows with a hot dog bun."

 6. It's important to give good advice like "That's probably not the best way to drag your brother on the floor."

 5. While mom is nursing the baby, sometimes your 5-year-old will say, "Mom, he looks cute eating off your feeder thing."

 4. You may find yourself saying something like "Take that pencil out of your bottom and go put on a pull-up."

 3. When driving with your 2 and 4 year old passed a farm and you notice cows mating ... it's best to ignore the questions.

 2. Don't panic when your son says things like "When daddy dies, maybe we can mummify him."  He's probably not serious.

 1. Sometimes you have to tell your son "Stop chasing the cats with the badminton racquet" ... but secretly you don't mind.

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